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  • How to not let others influence you?

  • How to not let others influence you?

    This is an easy one right?…………

    Okay so this topic is not an easy one, as no matter how independent we claim to be there will always be at least one person who we allow to influence our thoughts and actions. The real question is; is their influence what you need or want?

    As humans we like to be in groups and be part of something. Even the people who are deemed “black Sheep” or those who don’t seem to care what others or the world thinks of them, all want to be part of something. This is the reason many hide themselves away. They are afraid they will not be accepted for who they are if they truly open up.

    We’ve all done things which we didn’t really want to do and did it anyway because everyone else was doing it or we wanted to be perceived as cool.

    As we get older we start to adopt the mentality of I don’t care what you think, I am me and that’s all I’ll ever be!

    The question is; do we really not care?

    I’m going to go out on a whim here and say yes we care. If we didn’t we wouldn’t get annoyed or riled up when others disagree with us, or report us for “offensive” posts.

    Sure everyone is unique and we are all entitled to an opinion.

    Now I know you may come back and say well I get annoyed when people report my posts as it’s my page and I should be able to post what I like, if they don’t like it they can shove it. While I agree that you can post what you like, you do have to be aware that there will always be people who have differing opinions. In all honesty that response is defensive. The question I have for you if you truly didn’t care what others thought, would you get defensive?

    Maybe you would and maybe you wouldn’t.

    Personally if I truly didn’t care about what others thought then I would not get defensive. I would shrug my shoulders and move on

    So why do we let people get to us when we claim that we don’t care?

    It’s all drills down to one of our core needs. To feel connected, to be part of something. Yes we are all unique and no two people are the same but we are drawn to others. We want to fit in. Sometimes we don’t know where we fit in.

    I know I say this a lot and I believe right down to my core that it is true; you have to be happy with whom you are and know who you are.

    If you don’t know who you are, then how will you know that you fit in?

    It’s not about fitting in per se. It’s more about accepting others and yourself. If you can accept and love yourself for you than other people will not get to you.

    So I believe the key is with acceptance of yourself and everyone else around you and know that their opinions will differ from yours.

    Also you need to know that you have a choice. You choose how you react, how you feel and who you let influence you.

    Now you may read this and go What? I have a choice on how I feel, I don’t think so. Trust me I was one of those that strongly believed the only thing in life that you couldn’t control was your emotions.

    While that may be true on some level, you can decide if you want to feel a certain way. For instance if you start to feel angry and you really do not want to you have a choice to keep being angry or to change the situation into something that can make you happy. So yes you may not be able to control the unexpected emotion from creeping up however you can choose to keep going down that track or to reframe it.

    So with that in mind you have a choice if you let others influence and how you react. It is all in power of the mind. Don’t lie to yourself. If you feel that someone is influencing you take a step back and think why you are allowing them to influence you?

    There are many reasons why we let others influence us; it ranges from we look up to them, we want their praise, we want to make them proud, we want to make them happy, we have low self-confidence and have not yet accepted ourselves, everyone else is doing, we want to fit in and be part of something etc. The list is endless and it may be something like it makes you feel good.

    Having others influence you is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need that influence to grow into the person we want to be. Really it’s about knowing who you want to influence you and why.

    It’s about realising when you are being influenced and what you want to do about knowing that you have the choice.

    In order for you to be able to choose you have to be aware that you are being influenced.

    So how do you know when you are being influenced?

    Well that’s the golden question. It comes down to knowing who you are and what you feel and think about a certain topic.

    For example when you were in high school and you didn’t know where to go or what to do with your life you may have started thinking about going to University, but was that really what you wanted or was it others influencing you as that’s what they believed was the correct path for you, or was it just the old fashioned mentality of going to school get a good job and work hard?

    So if you feel that you are being influenced sit down and think about what’s going on and when the thought of say going to university pops up listen to whose voice it is.

    Another way to determine if you are being influenced is by listening to your gut. Does it feel right, or doesn’t it. If you are doing something and it doesn’t mesh well with you then you would feel pretty uncomfortable and I would say it’s safe to say that someone or something is influencing your actions.

    Don’t be disheartened if you find out that you haven’t been true to yourself and have fallen victim to the influence bug.  As I said before it isn’t always a bad thing and if it is not an ideal situation it’s cool, just think it was something you had to experience to make you more aware.

    To wrap it up it all comes down to Knowing and accepting who you are, if you can’t accept yourself then you will never feel accepted within society

    Appreciate and acknowledge that others are who they are supposed to be

    Remember you always have a choice

    Lastly pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and actions they are a big indicator if you are being influenced

    Yes I agree sometimes this can be out of your control and you can choose how you react in these situations. The only person in life you truly can control/influence is YOU

    So take the first step to being the only one that influences your decisions and actions from here on in